Sunday, September 29, 2013

Sabbath Sundays

Happy Sunday Funday, all!

Earlier in the week I had the privilege of visiting Colchester, England. I had a two day meeting and one of those days was a Quarterly Prayer Day.

The IJM UK staff met at a church and listened to man named Fred talk about getting closer to God

The past 3 weeks or so I had been questioning a lot of things; about myself and my beliefs. Everyone around me seems to put so much thought into their reasons for doing things; like joining IJM. Everyone else seems to have better practices when it comes to being a Christian. Why am I so different than most happy-go-lucky, sweet voiced godly girls? Do I rely too heavily on letting God speak to me through my dreams thus by ignoring the subtle whispers He sends me in my waking life? 

Was I blindly following imaginary breadcrumbs from one location or dream to the next..or was I just running away

The first hour of our group session with Fred we covered four basic topics. To my astonishment they were each specific struggles I had been concerning myself with that week and even more so that very morning.

Child-like Faith
Mary VS Martha
The Church as a Body 
God's use of Dreams

I sat in quiet awe as we moved from one pressing conversation to the next, as each added another ton of disbelief and shock to my weighing mind. Everything inside of me felt as if it were going mad with questions and excitement desperately clawed at my vocal cords to cry out in confirmation... still, I sat quietly as my unspoken questions were answered. 

I am open to going where God calls, when He calls without thinking too much about the consequences or what it's going to cost to get there. I go...with child-like faith not waiting for the logic or convenience of good-timing. I am but a vessel with hope as my sails and faith as the wind the moves me. 

I am different for a reason. I don't come from a spot-free background and even my daily life's soul is dusty in certain corners. But I have the characteristics that will be needed for the work I am to do. I am on the right path. 

We took some time to break apart and have some stillness to offer a silent moment from our busy daily tasks and buzzing phones so we could listen for God. So I made my way out to the cemetery.

As I walked between weathered headstones, whose moss ran from the top of the stone down and over the moistened patchwork grounds, I avoided bulbs of mushrooms roasting in the open sunlight. There were rose bushes and mini flower gardens specifically planted atop graves of passed on loved ones. 

I zig-zagged my way through the labyrinth of names and dates from long ago and found myself in the back of the graveyard, secluded and hidden under the long curtain-like drapes of a birch tree which is where I took my seat and prayed.

"Lord, why am I here? Am I running away? Am I here because this is something I want or is it truly Your will? I don't belong here. I'm not qualified and I don't really fit in. Who am I Lord, that you would have me here? And what next? Where do I go and what do I do 10 months from now?" 

And then a breeze blew and along with it came a sweet inner peace and soundless voice saying-

"Don't worry about it Laci, I will work it out. I've taken care of you this far. You are still young, my child." 

At this I covered my mouth and began to weep into the wind.

 Several moments had passed and I began to settle back into my surrounding and started to wonder what my options would even be 10 months from now when I suddenly felt that God was chuckling at me and saying-

"Stop worrying about it."

I laughed myself and gathered my belongings and went back inside to socialize with my team. But what an incredible and unexpected treat that day turned out to be. Praise be to the Lord, King of Kings.

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